The truth about my board exam review.

I am not trying to brag about my brain cells or whatnot here but this is really what went down during my four month review for the 2018 August Physical Therapy and Occupational Therapy Licensure Exam. 

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Credits to Goldrank Manila.

Review started the day after GRADUATION! Yes, our graduation was on a Sunday and since I was enrolled at Goldrank Cebu, we had to check ourselves in the next morning. I asked the review coordinator if we could be absent for that day since nine of us (only nine of us from Cebu Doctors’ University were enrolled at Goldrank) wanted a bit of a break before we could focus our minds on notes and readings again and luckily, they gave us a day pass (Thank you Miss Nancy! GOLDRANK CEBU HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!)

Review was quite an experience, well, it was for me. I had a LOT of distractions. Out of all of the months that I would meet a guy, I would meet him during the START of my review– May 5 to be exact (Review started on April 23). And giiiiiiirl, I allowed myself to be distracted for the first two months and if it wasn’t hard enough, we were in a long distance relationship (He was in my hometown, I was in Cebu). He wasn’t a bad influence as much as I was a bad influence to myself. He was actually supportive and he was rooting for me all the way and I really tried my best to make it work BUT my anxieties crept in eventually and I was overthinking too much and everything became too much to handle and I just cracked during the first week of JULY (one month till the boards) and he/I–we– decided to break it off. I  was heartbroken, for a bit. A lot of crying and breakdowns were involved. So imagine juggling a lot of things while flipping through Giles and Sisig. I was also active on all of my social media accounts (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram) and I didn’t delete a single app on my phone. I would also be absent and skip some exams and lectures when I didn’t feel like it. I went home almost every month for at least three days to keep my sanity in check but on those days I would go out with this guy I was dating and I would drink with friends and we would all stay up so late like it was the summer of our lives. Oh, and I even got sick for a week, I had the chills and I was on antibiotics. It was madness.

After two months of slacking off and getting “dumped” in July, I  decided to focus all of my energy on trying to catch up on all of my missed lectures and exams.  I made all of the crying and the breakdowns as a motivation to work harder and to “strive for greatness”. I used to like studying alone but because I needed to distract myself from the voices inside my head I went on a lot of group study dates (Shoutout to Pol, Kate, JP, Ate Love). I did a lot of meditation too and I listened to a LOT of Worship songs and it all helped me. My favourite is definitely “Oceans” by Hillsong United, if you have not listened to it, go and open Spotify and listen to it right now. It will literally calm your soul and your mind!

I was honestly having second thoughts if I should still push through with my boards or proceed to Med school in August since the schedules do overlap each other. But I am so happy that I took the board exam because I got my license!!!!! I have some friends who immediately enrolled in med school and they passed the board exam, as well, but I decided to take the year off because I feel like I needed to breathe after everything that I have been through for the four months that I have spent reviewing. Giiiiirl, tingnan mo naman! So yes, that was the full tea.

In conclusion, I guess we all have to take it at our own pace. I was studying 200-400 questions in a day (that is not a lot) while some of my peers were reading 800-1000 questions, or even an entire review book. I made sure I had atleast 7 hours of sleep and I was still going out to dinner with friends and family. I tried my very best to not feel the pressure because when I get pressured, I WILL BREAKDOWN.

So to everyone who is going to take the boards, I wish you all the best! Don’t forget to pray pray pray.  Trust in the Lord and all of His plans. Don’t have a negative mindset. Eventually things will fall into place. Claim that four letter initial right now, PTRP! OTRP!

I can’t wait to see all of my friends’ and past co-interns’ names on the PRC website!

God bless my future colleagues.

With love,

Beyscapades PTRP

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I have Social Anxiety.

Last night, my social anxiety got the best of me. I was getting a headache, I was having a hard time breathing and my head was just whirring with thoughts and emotions. I didn’t know why. I don’t know the exact reason why I was feeling this way. I was overthinking again, a pool of what ifs just came into my brain and knocked me out of my insanity. I lost it.

The first thing I did? I deactivated facebook and messenger and deleted all of my apps, wanting to shut out from the world. I was so afraid of being judged, of being rejected, I needed to breathe. I wanted to be invisible.

At 8pm, I went up my bedroom and lay down on my bed, hugging a pillow for support, texting my friend if he was busy. I called him up and he was on his way to work as the tears began to spill down my eyes and I couldn’t fight the pain that I was feeling. It was a mix of everything that has been happening, of everything that has been said and done. I was hurt, I was ashamed, I was embarrassed, I felt lonely and alone. I wanted to shout but I couldn’t let it out. I cried until my body and my mind surrendered and I fell asleep.

I woke up still having that cloud over me. My head hurts, I slept for 12 hours straight but I still felt so tired. Tired of walking this life? Tired of thinking? or just, tired? I need help.