Last night, my social anxiety got the best of me. I was getting a headache, I was having a hard time breathing and my head was just whirring with thoughts and emotions. I didn’t know why. I don’t know the exact reason why I was feeling this way. I was overthinking again, a pool of what ifs just came into my brain and knocked me out of my insanity. I lost it.
The first thing I did? I deactivated facebook and messenger and deleted all of my apps, wanting to shut out from the world. I was so afraid of being judged, of being rejected, I needed to breathe. I wanted to be invisible.
At 8pm, I went up my bedroom and lay down on my bed, hugging a pillow for support, texting my friend if he was busy. I called him up and he was on his way to work as the tears began to spill down my eyes and I couldn’t fight the pain that I was feeling. It was a mix of everything that has been happening, of everything that has been said and done. I was hurt, I was ashamed, I was embarrassed, I felt lonely and alone. I wanted to shout but I couldn’t let it out. I cried until my body and my mind surrendered and I fell asleep.
I woke up still having that cloud over me. My head hurts, I slept for 12 hours straight but I still felt so tired. Tired of walking this life? Tired of thinking? or just, tired? I need help.