Hello there!

janina'spt (6 of 8)

My name is Beafleur Elaina Cui and I am a first year Medicine student at Cebu Doctors’ University. After passing the Physical Therapy boards back in August 2018, I felt burnt out and lost. I didn’t want to proceed to Medschool, “just cause”. So for a year, I went on a journey of self-love and self discovery and I am so glad I did. Because now my soul and my heart is ready to conquer whatever challenges come my way.

Growing up from a family of doctors, I’ve always wanted to be just like them. Honestly, I wasn’t forced to study Medicine just because it was the family’s badge. I wanted to study Medicine because I want to be able to be a part of people’s journeys; I want to be there to guide them, give the appropriate medical advice & treatment  and be their helping hand in their times of need. I think being a doctor embodies everything that I want to become as a person in the next five to ten years; responsible, caring, smart among others. And with that being said, I want to be a pediatric oncologist. Cancer runs in my blood and yes, it sucks to have the cancer gene. But what draws me to focus on pediatrics is my love for children and entertaining small beautiful humans all still full of hope and light. Cancer sucks no matter how old it hits you but for these babies; who’ve only just been in this Earth for a couple of years, who haven’t seen the worsts yet, to have this incurable disease is just deafening. I want to fight their battles with them and be an instrument of healing.

I think what I dream to achieve someday aligns with what my school, CDU-CM, visualizes for the future. I believe being in this institution would help be become a happy & well-rounded doctor bringing light to the kids that I will hopefully be treating in my plight to becoming a pediatric oncologist. I have not doubted CDU’s capabilities of honing an individual to be the best that they can be because even my parents– my role models– studied and graduated from this very university that I am enrolled in. Truly, CDU CARES.

 

 

 

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08/08/19

Another day, another SGD.
Another chance for us to have a group picture! + we’re finally complete this time around.

sgd (1 of 2)
If you guys didn’t know, SGD is short for Short Group Discussions. Instead of the traditional ratio of 1 lecturer:40-50 students, we are grouped into 10s & each of us have a facilitator that would assist us in our “discussions”. Our facilitator (a doctor), presents a case & we are given the chance to define terms, state the problems and make a hypothesis about what the case is all about.

It takes some getting used to, to be honest, because instead of just listening to one speaker, you listen to nine other opinions about the case, brainstorming causes and effects and whatnot. It’s been fun, so far, but we haven’t even tackled the difficult topics yet so we’ll have to see.

So here’s another picture of us! You guys are going to be seeing more of these people in my blogs & vlogs since they are my SGD groupmates for my entire first year in Medicine. Also, I did vlog today so there might be a “MedLife” vlog soon. We’ll have to see!

With love,
beyscapades

I don’t have to feel sorry.

I’m always going to be too much for people.

Too much to handle, too much to care for, too much to long for

I have baggage, I am heavy, I have all of these fucked up thoughts in my head

I have this sense of bipolar-ness in me that no one could understand

I can love you in a second and hate you by the time the minute is up

I can scribble your name over and over again

wishing for things to finally go as planned but I still find myself being scared

and I scurry and I run because that is what I am good at

I am good at leaving even when I didn’t really stay

I am good at pretending that I can be okay when I know I can’t

when I know I will fight the urge to feel sad yet long for it anyway

I am too much for people

I am too much for myself

I always want to impress those who couldn’t

I always want to be part of the crowd when I can’t

I’m too much, all at the same time

But maybe I don’t have to say sorry

Maybe I don’t have to feel bad or guilty or sad

maybe it’s okay to be like this because I always give my 110 percent

when others can’t even give atleast 1

Maybe it’s okay to chase after infinite things

it’s okay to fight and not fight for someone or something

Maybe it’s okay to be me

Because if people really love and care for you

They’d know you’re not too much

You’re just… okay

Walls unbroken.


He’s lucky, you know
I chase after him even if I don’t chase people any longer
When I stopped fighting for those who wouldn’t fight for me
When I told myself I’d never ever go for the uncertainty again
Yet here I am, I’m allowing myself to break those principles
Wanting to keep him here
Between two thin lines of our friendship
Both of us pretending we don’t know what I feel about him
And I guess this has to end
It has to end somehow
I have to distance myself from all of this
Before I start crashing again
I have to stop longing for his presence
And the comfort he brings
I have to let him go before it breaks my heart to do so