08/08/19

Another day, another SGD.
Another chance for us to have a group picture! + we’re finally complete this time around.

sgd (1 of 2)
If you guys didn’t know, SGD is short for Short Group Discussions. Instead of the traditional ratio of 1 lecturer:40-50 students, we are grouped into 10s & each of us have a facilitator that would assist us in our “discussions”. Our facilitator (a doctor), presents a case & we are given the chance to define terms, state the problems and make a hypothesis about what the case is all about.

It takes some getting used to, to be honest, because instead of just listening to one speaker, you listen to nine other opinions about the case, brainstorming causes and effects and whatnot. It’s been fun, so far, but we haven’t even tackled the difficult topics yet so we’ll have to see.

So here’s another picture of us! You guys are going to be seeing more of these people in my blogs & vlogs since they are my SGD groupmates for my entire first year in Medicine. Also, I did vlog today so there might be a “MedLife” vlog soon. We’ll have to see!

With love,
beyscapades

I don’t have to feel sorry.

I’m always going to be too much for people.

Too much to handle, too much to care for, too much to long for

I have baggage, I am heavy, I have all of these fucked up thoughts in my head

I have this sense of bipolar-ness in me that no one could understand

I can love you in a second and hate you by the time the minute is up

I can scribble your name over and over again

wishing for things to finally go as planned but I still find myself being scared

and I scurry and I run because that is what I am good at

I am good at leaving even when I didn’t really stay

I am good at pretending that I can be okay when I know I can’t

when I know I will fight the urge to feel sad yet long for it anyway

I am too much for people

I am too much for myself

I always want to impress those who couldn’t

I always want to be part of the crowd when I can’t

I’m too much, all at the same time

But maybe I don’t have to say sorry

Maybe I don’t have to feel bad or guilty or sad

maybe it’s okay to be like this because I always give my 110 percent

when others can’t even give atleast 1

Maybe it’s okay to chase after infinite things

it’s okay to fight and not fight for someone or something

Maybe it’s okay to be me

Because if people really love and care for you

They’d know you’re not too much

You’re just… okay

Walls unbroken.


He’s lucky, you know
I chase after him even if I don’t chase people any longer
When I stopped fighting for those who wouldn’t fight for me
When I told myself I’d never ever go for the uncertainty again
Yet here I am, I’m allowing myself to break those principles
Wanting to keep him here
Between two thin lines of our friendship
Both of us pretending we don’t know what I feel about him
And I guess this has to end
It has to end somehow
I have to distance myself from all of this
Before I start crashing again
I have to stop longing for his presence
And the comfort he brings
I have to let him go before it breaks my heart to do so